In Defense of Dragon T-Shirts
The universe of plaid is a rather mundane existence. Lines on and on in either direction, broad and thin, of varying colors. Its like looking at a city map, a city that has been set to some sort of obsessive grid by some mad fool. Or maybe it looks like what the inside of a computer processor looks, all of those lines which seem to go into some order which makes some rhyme and reason, but to the rest of us it makes little, if any, sense. Plaid is a prison. Plaid just isn't that much fun. Yet its remarkably popular.
When I see people walk around in plaid pants, or plaid button up shirts, all I can do is roll my eyes. You know how we look at photos of people from the eighties in their neon pink clothes and laugh and laugh? That's what we're going to do in three or so years with plaid. Plaid is an ugly disgusting clothing style. I don't quite know why anyone likes it myself. I look at a plaid shirt and find myself getting lost. Shouldn't I get lost in that person's enticing personality? Or that person's hilarious stories? Instead, after I see someone in plaid the next thing I know I'm being picked up off the ground, and that a long line of drool has dribbled down the right side of my cheek.
Many many years ago, there was a time when valor was worth a damn. That was the time of King Arthur's court. In that court, honor was the most important ideal of all. People would come from miles and fathoms around just to speak to Arthur, because he spoke the godhonest truth. While it was a fun novelty to get it from him, it wasn't just Arthur that always told the truth. If you have heard of a thing called “The Church” they were always honest too. In every way possible. “Does this medieval type tie look good on me?” “Forsooth, it does.” or “Verily, it doesn't.” These people would then ride their horses off into the sunset, and go to sleep knowing that their government and religious leaders were completely honest and all was right in the world.
Fast forward two thousand years. All of a sudden, Bush is elected president, ending the code of truth that existed forever. A compact that was once hallowed and respected by King Arthur, and those in his court, like Merlin and Gallahad, is now all gone. Smoke in the wind, blowing away, far away, to the land of the four winds, where there's a new fifth wind which is only effective at blowing truth in directions away from people. Who made that? Halliburton.
I once had a dream about President Bush meeting up with King Arthur.
“Verily,” Arthur said, shaking his head in horror “Thee art a bad untruthful president.”
“Yeah?” Bush said, his eyes in their natural glowing red state, “Well, pooie on you.”
I woke up in a start, a cold drop of sweat rolled down my face. I grabbed for my pillow and hugged for what seemed to be an hour, but the clock honestly told was forty five minutes.
How can man remain for so long inactive, while there are villains out there completely destroying your way of life? I'm not talking about the terrorists, their actions only directly killed a few thousand people. Our reaction to that has killed several hundred thousands of civilians, thousands of soliders, and have wounded and ruined the lives of many more Iraqis and American soldiers. We screwed up. Not only is there a cataclysmic death toll, but we're pouring billions of dollars into this war effort while the value of our money continues to drop. There's little responsibility and entire profiteering. Contractors in Iraq have contracts which allow them to do a shitty job, pocket all the money, and leave without any penalties. This whole thing seems less like an operation to liberate and defend a people and a way of life than it seems to line Bush's friend's pockets with taxpayer dollars.
Dragons. What? Dragons. Dragons on t-shirts. What about dragons is so great? King Arthur's fought dragons, and he was a paragon of all good things on this Earth. What did he do? He killed dragons. Why don't we wear King Arthur t-shirts? Because no one knows what King Arthur looked like, but everyone on this planet knows exactly what dragons look like.
How the hell are we, as a people, going to stand up against this machine of terror lead by Bush and the Congress of cowards? We all wear dragon t-shirts, not the status quo plaid t-shirt/pant combo. King Arthur's court would have never stood for all of this, and neither should we, the Americans of the United States of America.
A dragon flying majestically in the sky, breathing fire at its foes. Maybe there are two dragons, both green, or maybe green and purple, depending on the sort of fashion that you want to have. That's right, fashion. Dragon T-shirts can carry a lot of fashion too, you know. If you're a girl, you can match the color of the dragon, of the dragon's flame, or the dragon's claws, or the mountain that the dragon may by flying over, with your purse or make up for the day. Maybe shoes. Everyone pigeonholes dragon t-shirts as unfashionable, but look at plaid, with its uninteresting straight line set up. Look at dragons, with their wings, curves, and their unpredictable nature.
Bring back King Arthur's court, at least in spirit, by wearing dragon t-shirts. If you wear that, it sends a clear message to everyone within view of your awesome t-shirt. The message reads: “I support a time when everyone was completely honest to each other, and if you lied, that would lead to your death.” Maybe you could put that on one of those lame Hot Topic black t-shirts with white lettering, but that's not fashionable. That doesn't look good at all. Dragons, however, are cool, and everyone fears them, in some sort of primal way.
When you next go to the mall, and you walk from shop to shop, wondering what clothes you're going to wear for your big school debut coming up, consider dragons. Don't consider dragons, actually, go for dragons. First think about the coolness and awesomeness of dragons, and second, soon enough due to the horrible inflation caused by the massive loans to support our adventures in the Middle East, we probably won't be able to buy them.
November 14th, 2007 - 16:18
nice details really like that lol
this is really good i think lol
December 1st, 2007 - 18:20
can i alter the picher of the dragons for my logow
December 5th, 2007 - 14:56
i love dragons so much im just glad that people like you can can open up more fantasy in peoples eyes just to let them no that dragons were really once here
December 25th, 2007 - 11:37
I love dragons and was to shy to show it but as soon as I read your column I had my mom bye me 10 dragon shirts. I am still asking my mom for more dragon shirts because they are cool.
December 25th, 2007 - 16:27
hi me u r hot
January 3rd, 2008 - 21:43
W00T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! well… that was random……
February 25th, 2008 - 14:02
dragons are gay man
April 19th, 2008 - 21:54
I HATE YOUR DRAGONS!!! They need to be muscular!
And bueatiful! For my godness!.. I am 47 and I’ve seen better dragons at the store!
April 19th, 2008 - 21:56
I HATE YOUR DRAGONS!!!!!
May 10th, 2008 - 04:14
fsdghrdhgfcdtecujvvtrtrxetersterrsh fgcngfdhgfzshfdsxjgfcjhgfcj bay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
May 11th, 2008 - 06:21
this is cool
May 25th, 2008 - 05:55
@ b voges: Your father is gay.
@ Original Poster: Your essay leaves something to be desired. It doesn’t quite hit the mark nor does it represent dragon shirts and it’s relationship to today’s fashion sense strongly enough. I say let those who like dragon shirts, wear them. The whole idea of “fashion” is inherently flawed because it depends on those who choose to wear whatever they want, not what others think. Equally, your bashing of people who likes to wear plaid also makes you a hypocrite. Quit reading fantasy books and learn how to write an essay with strong points for a change. Your a disgrace to those who like to wear dragon shirts.
BTW, I too wear dragon shirts, but I wouldn’t go to an interview or workplace wearing one. Everyone else can kiss my ass as they don’t pay me to wear what they think is fashionable.
June 13th, 2008 - 14:01
um well i like dragons and think there cool i mean look at them i thinks its cool to have a fantasy animal to talk about i dont know if dragons are real but if they are i want to tht becouse i love the way they look act and moveso there for threr awsome in my opinion and dragons are not gay you are dumbass
June 13th, 2008 - 23:53
When I awoke, there was this giant dragon egg – a beautiful scaled glowing green lit the air with a branch of wispy white smoke fingers. The egg was warm to touch – too hot for many. I slept with it every night since… some call me crazy.
June 14th, 2008 - 19:54
i think dragons r tyte
June 15th, 2008 - 18:21
I can no longer masturbate to regular porn. It doesn’t get me off anymore. The only thing that does it anymore is imagining I am pistoning in and out of the wide, warm womb of a femme-dragon that I have no possible way of satisfying. Sometimes I fantasize that I’ve found a sorceress who grants my wish to be endowed with a massive, scaly dragon penis, and on those days I am able to give that lady dragon all she’s ever needed.
June 17th, 2008 - 10:34
dudes i love dragons t-shirts.
i remember back before i loved them…those were to me what the dark ages were to europe. i was lost and a mess. i would wear a lot of “civilian” clothes like hawaiian shirts or sometimes button down shirts with dice or playing cards or flaming jalapenos on them. i was completely brain dead.
then i saw a glorious, ponytailed man walk out of spencers gifts in the mall one day…and there it was. a majestic black dragon with mighty wings curled, locked in an embrace with a noble, yet still inferior, white tiger. It was a wake-up call, and from that point on, i have never worn anything but a dragon shirt. I have 22 and cycle through them in the same order, and have been doing that for 3 years now.
thanks for the amazing essay, glad somebody finally gets it!
February 21st, 2009 - 05:44
dragong are wonder gods
March 29th, 2009 - 07:28
I am going to an after party of the Australian Natinal Dragon Boat Racing Championships in a few weeks time.
The theme is ‘War of the Dragons’.
Can someone help me find a contact from whom I can buy a high res of the top drawing ‘In Defense of Dragon T-Shirts’ on this page so I can have it put onto a shirt?
Thanks,
David
January 8th, 2010 - 20:43
Not that I’m gonna get on a high horse (dragon?) about religion, but it amazes me that we know what dragons look like, but still wonder about them as a society, as far as whether they’re real or not. Do you guys realize that dragons go back farther than man? In fact, if you read the bible, dragons are mentioned. They are even included in the original building of the Babylon Gate. If you trace their history, it is believed by many that dragons were the inspiration for writing. Yes, that’s right. It was because dragons were such terrors, that the most advanced people on the planet at the time wanted to let the following generations know how to deal with them (including the fact that some were willing to “tolerate” us humans), and so developed a system of writing. Before that point in time (nothing fantasy here, folks), everything that happened IS considered to be pre-historical. Since then, everything has been deemed as history. The Asian culture still reveres them, fossils have been found in Canada as recent as the nineteenth AND twentieth centuries, and then, there is the Komodo Dragon, whose home is a reserve along with their prey. Don’t believe it? Check it out, and let’s stop the rumors that dragons are fictional.
January 8th, 2010 - 21:09
First post!